Dance With The Elephant

Two Lives With Two Wives PART 1

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Here I am writing down my thoughts on the page. For more than a year I have dedicated my life to exploring the dynamics of human manifestation, unity, and transformation. What was a dream to write a single volume has now transformed into a vade mecum (a guide constantly referenced) and what will be the supporting trilogy. I would have never given credence to such an undertaking back when I first got married twenty-five years ago and the sixteen tons of life experience that took place in between.

I think the first time I can remember someone using the phrase "the elephant in the room" was during some group counseling sessions I participated in when I was going through my divorce. For me, at the time, the elephant stood for the fact that my wife, after two children together, twelve years of marriage, and five years of courtship before that, decided to come out of the closet and dump me for her girl friend on the softball team. So for me, the elephant was my story of personal loss and anguish. It took me over three years to finally be able to talk about this elephant without trying to run and hide.

REJECTION

Unless you live is some fairy tail world with kaleidoscope colored rainbows, we know with mathematical certainty that you have experienced rejection in your life.   Rejection is a common part of the tapestry of living life.  We have all experienced the feelings of being an outcast or not fitting in with the crowd.  Rejection plays no real favorites.

If you read the biographies of the the rich and famous they are all littered with the feelings of not fitting in.  Their unhappiness abounds and they often seek alcohol, drugs and destructive behavior to numb their reality or to try to find some elusive form of peace of mind. We all long for connection, it is something we all have in common, but more often than not, we experience rejection and disconnection.

Rejection can be outright mean and blatant, or subtle and back stabbing.  We can be the giver or the receiver.  At the heart of rejection is disconnection, a tearing of emotional feelings, pain, and insecurity.  From the sender,  rejection is the outward action of ignoring the receiver that can be both intended or unintended. This rejection results in disconnection between two people.  From the receivers perspective, the rejection can be interpreted from the senders communication accurately or falsely, harshly or slight, all depending on the personal focus of the receiver and their state of mind.

Because of the dynamics between the message sender and the receiver, intended or unintended, communication can very easily be misread and misinterpreted.  In fact, there is a much greater chance of a message being inaccurate than there is of it being accurate.  The destructive results of misinterpreted communication cause a perceived rejection that is real, so real in fact, that it may result into never talking to a spouse, mother or father, son or daughter, or a long time friend again.  On the surface, rejection seems totally irrational and illogical, especially when you consider how often it is based on misinformation and incorrect interpretation.