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Finding Love - Four Signs To Look For

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION:

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

Theme: LOVE

 

Four Signs That Healthy Love Is On Its Way

 

How to find love that can last

Published on October 1, 2012 by Ken Page, L.C.S.W. in Finding Love

I've found that four conditions often forecast the advent of real and healthy love. Love’s arrival feels like magic; a gift of luck. Yet we can invite that luck by approaching our dating life differently. If these shifts are happening for you, be encouraged. You’re probably well on the way to finding the kind of love that can last.

You lose your taste for “attractions of deprivation”

It’s easy to become attracted to people who can almost commit; people who treat us wonderfully--and then diminish, demean or ignore us. These relationships are usually highly charged and gnawingly addictive. Like a slot machine, they keep us coming back for more. We long to get it right, to get our partner to love us. We struggle to improve ourselves. We play hard to get. We try giving more, or we practice giving less. We try to be funnier, more successful or more in-shape, so that our desired one will finally want us as much as we want them.

I call these attractions of deprivation.

At a certain point, (and usually as a result of tremendous pain) we begin to lose our taste for relationships that chip away at our sense of self-worth. We find we just can’t stomach the thought of being hurt like that again. And this is a great thing. When we become less “sticky” to these kinds of attractions, a dead-end era of our dating lives is finally coming to an end. Now, we can begin the real work of intimacy--cultivating our attraction to relationships that feed and nurture us.

Kindness and availability become more important to you

As we lose our taste for attractions of deprivation, we usually experience a temporary void in our dating life. We know we don’t want the pain of past relationships, but nothing else seems as exciting. In time, (and often with guidance) we begin to seek what I call attractions of inspiration.

These attractions are based upon a (basically) consistent quality of shared kindness, generosity, and emotional availability. They often unfold slowly. They get richer as time goes on. They make us feel love, not desperation.

We can measure the very quality of our lives by the relationships of mutual inspiration we've cultivated.

The joy we feel in these relationships doesn’t come from conquest or momentary validation, but from an essential quality of contentment we feel with our partners. We don’t feel consistently bigger or smaller than the object of our affections. In some basic way, we feel what the twelve-step programs call “right sized.” But most of us have never been taught that these relationships have a trajectory of their own. They need to be cultivated and nourished in different ways than we might be used to. It may seem that they are not as exciting at first, but in fact, they are much more so.

There is a thrilling risk available to us in these relationships—the risk of revealing our authentic self. If we take that risk with our partners and find that we are accepted and embraced, the erotic and emotional charge of the relationship deepens and intensifies. These are the people who deserve to see the real us: our wild self, our kinky self, our unshared ideas, our tender soul.

And by the way, that’s precisely why these are the scariest relationships of all. Our fear may do anything to save us from the risk of vulnerability. It's best strategy is to trick us into fleeing by shouting “Next! Back to the hunt!” But if we don’t flee, we may find that the fear passes, and a deeper, more passionate love shows through on the other side.

If you find that you are seeking these relationships and ignoring the thrill of your attractions of deprivation, then celebrate. You’re on the path to a relationship that can sustain a future of love.

You become willing to give up your “flight patterns”

All of us, single or coupled, flee the heat and the risks of true intimacy. Allof us. Any single person who wants to find love would do well to become a student of his or her own “flight patterns.” There are so many ways to flee intimacy, even as we seek it:

Staying home and watching TV every night. Surfing the net, instead of going to places where people with shared values can be found. Wasting time on attractions of deprivation. Not being authentic. Chatting online but never taking the steps to meet. Playing it cool. Looking for hookups instead of dates. Drinking too much on our dates.

At a certain point, we really start to mean it in our search for a life-partner. We realize that time is ticking, that we are growing tired of living andsleeping alone (Please note, this isn’t true for everyone. Many of us are quite happy living solo.)

When we’re willing to let go of our flight patterns; when we find ways to meet people who share our values; and when we only have second or third dates with people who hold the promise of becoming attractions of inspiration, then things really begin to change.

You lead with your authentic self.

Leading with your authentic self may seem on the surface like an easy thing, but it’s not. We get most wounded around the places we care the most. These are the parts of us that I call “core gifts.” Because our authentic self is so vulnerable and because most of us have incurred profound wounding around our core gifts, we tend to either suppress them or create air-brushed versions of them for the world to see. But these versions of self lack the vigor, soul and magnetism of our authentic self, so we find we are less successful in attracting the very people who would accept and treasure us for who we are.

I’ve found that the key does not lie in simply accepting our authentic self, in all its humanity. The key lies in treasuring it, in all its timidity, imperfection and excess. We have the right to honor our core gifts, and to only choose people who can do the same.

When we do that in a non-defensive way, our world begins to change. That’s when we somehow find ourselves dating people who accept us for who we are; people who are kind, generous of spirit and available. I can’t explain why this happens, but I’ve see it occur so many times that I’ve come to accept it as a happy truth in the frequently treacherous world of dating.

Instead of helping us embrace our core gifts, the singles world teaches us to dishonor them—in ourselves and in the people we date. Like those ugly fun-house mirrors, the prevailing singles culture flashes distorted, haunting images at us--images of our own flaws and inadequacies and of the inadequacies of the people we date. The solution is not to find our self-esteem within the walls of that hall of mirrors. It is to get out, and to find a better path.

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Understanding the Power of Love - Dance with the Elephant

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

Theme: LOVE

 

The Power of Love

Love is the best antidepressant—but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.

By Ellen McGrath

 

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.

• Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love.
• Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.
• Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.

There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.

• Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you don't lose yourself in the process; you make sure you're also doing enough self-care.
• Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.
• Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.
• Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.

Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it's not real. Talk back to it. "I'm not really being rejected, this isn't really evidence of inadequacy. I made a mistake." Or "this isn't about me, this is something I just didn't know how to do and now I'll learn." When you reframe the situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

 

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NYTimes Article - New Love: A Short Shelf Life

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

Theme: LOVE

***This article is from the New York Times about how we as humans change over time when in relationships.  The results are quite interesting!  Read on!*** 

 

IN fairy tales, marriages last happily ever after. Science, however, tells us that wedded bliss has but a limited shelf life.

American and European researchers tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over the course of 15 years. The findings were clear: newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, for just two years. Then the special joy wears off and they are back where they started, at least in terms of happiness. The findings, from a 2003 study, have been confirmed by several recent studies.

The good news for the holiday season when families gather in various configurations is that if couples get past that two-year slump and hang on — for another couple of decades — they may well recover the excitement of the honeymoon period 18 to 20 years later, when children are gone. Then, in the freedom of the so-called empty nest, partners are left to discover one another — and often their early bliss — once again.

When love is new, we have the rare capacity to experience great happiness while being stuck in traffic or getting our teeth cleaned. We are in the throes of what researchers call passionate love, a state of intense longing, desire and attraction. In time, this love generally morphs into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. The reason is that human beings are, as more than a hundred studies show, prone to hedonic adaptation, a measurable and innate capacity to become habituated or inured to most life changes.

With all due respect to poets and pop radio songwriters, new love seems nearly as vulnerable to hedonic adaptation as a new job, a new home, a new coat and other novel sources of pleasure and well-being. (Though the thrill of a new material acquisition generally fades faster.)

Hedonic adaptation is most likely when positive experiences are involved. It’s cruel but true: We’re inclined — psychologically and physiologically — to take positive experiences for granted. We move into a beautiful loft. Marry a wonderful partner. Earn our way to the top of our profession. How thrilling! For a time. Then, as if propelled by autonomic forces, our expectations change, multiply or expand and, as they do, we begin to take the new, improved circumstances for granted.

Sexual passion and arousal are particularly prone to hedonic adaptation. Laboratory studies in places as far-flung as Melbourne, Australia, and Stony Brook, N.Y., are persuasive: both men and women are less aroused after they have repeatedly viewed the same erotic pictures or engaged in similar sexual fantasies. Familiarity may or may not breed contempt; but research suggests that it breeds indifference. Or, as Raymond Chandler wrote: “The first kiss is magic. The second is intimate. The third is routine.”

There are evolutionary, physiological and practical reasons passionate love is unlikely to endure for long. If we obsessed, endlessly, about our partners and had sex with them multiple times a day — every day — we would not be very productive at work or attentive to our children, our friends or our health. (To quote a line from the 2004 film “Before Sunset,” about two former lovers who chance to meet again after a decade, if passion did not fade, “we would end up doing nothing at all with our lives.” ) Indeed, the condition of being in love has a lot in common with the state of addiction and narcissism; if unabated, it will eventually exact a toll.

WHY, then, is the natural shift from passionate to companionate love often such a letdown? Because, although we may not realize it, we are biologically hard-wired to crave variety. Variety and novelty affect the brain in much the same way that drugs do — that is, they trigger activity that involves the neurotransmitter dopamine, as do pharmacological highs.

Evolutionary biologists believe that sexual variety is adaptive, and that it evolved to prevent incest and inbreeding in ancestral environments. The idea is that when our spouse becomes as familiar to us as a sibling — when we’ve become family — we cease to be sexually attracted to each other.

It doesn’t take a scientist to observe that because the sex in a long-term committed monogamous relationship involves the same partner day after day after day, no one who is truly human (or mammalian) can maintain the same level of lust and ardor that he or she experienced when that love was uncharted and new.

We may love our partners deeply, idolize them, and even be willing to die for them, but these feelings rarely translate into long-term passion. And studies show that in long-term relationships, women are more likely than men to lose interest in sex, and to lose it sooner. Why? Because women’s idea of passionate sex depends far more centrally on novelty than does men’s.

When married couples reach the two-year mark, many mistake the natural shift from passionate love to companionate love for incompatibility and unhappiness. For many, the possibility that things might be different — more exciting, more satisfying — with someone else proves difficult to resist. Injecting variety and surprise into even the most stable, seasoned relationship is a good hedge against such temptation. Key parties — remember “The Ice Storm”? — aren’t necessarily what the doctor ordered; simpler changes in routine, departures from the expected, go a long way.

In a classic experiment conducted by Arthur Aron and his colleagues, researchers gave upper-middle-class middle-aged couples a list of activities that both parties agreed were “pleasant” (like creative cooking, visiting friends or seeing a movie) or “exciting” (skiing, dancing or attending concerts) but that they had enjoyed only infrequently. Researchers instructed each couple to select one of these activities each week and spend 90 minutes doing it together. At the end of 10 weeks, the couples who engaged in the “exciting” activities reported greater satisfaction in their marriage than those who engaged in “pleasant” or enjoyable activities together.

Although variety and surprise seem similar, they are in fact quite distinct. It’s easy to vary a sequence of events — like choosing a restaurant for a weekly date night — without offering a lot of surprise. In the beginning, relationships are endlessly surprising: Does he like to cook? What is his family like? What embarrasses or delights him? As we come to know our partners better and better, they surprise us less.

Surprise is a potent force. When something novel occurs, we tend to pay attention, to appreciate the experience or circumstance, and to remember it. We are less likely to take our marriage for granted when it continues to deliver strong emotional reactions in us. Also, uncertainty sometimes enhances the pleasure of positive events. For example, a series of studies at the University of Virginia and at Harvard showed that people experienced longer bursts of happiness when they were at the receiving end of an unexpected act of kindness and remained uncertain about where and why it had originated.

Such reactions may have neuroscientific origins. In one experiment, scientists offered drinks to thirsty subjects; those who were not told what kind of drink they would get (i.e., water or a more appealing beverage) showed more activity in the portion of the brain that registers positive emotions. Surprise is apparently more satisfying than stability.

The realization that your marriage no longer supplies the charge it formerly did is then an invitation: eschew predictability in favor of discovery, novelty and opportunities for unpredictable pleasure. “A relationship,” Woody Allen proclaimed in his film “Annie Hall,” “is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies.” A marriage is likely to change shape multiple times over the course of its lifetime; it must be continually rebuilt if it is to thrive.

The good news is that taking the long view on marriage and putting in the hard work has calculable benefits. Research shows that marital happiness reaches one of its highest peaks during the period after offspring have moved out of the family home.

The nest may be empty, but it’s also full of possibility for partners to rediscover — and surprise — each other again. In other words, an empty nest offers the possibility of novelty and unpredictability. Whether this phase of belated marital joy lasts, like the initial period of connubial bliss, for longer than two years is anybody’s guess.

 

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and the author of the forthcoming book “The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn’t, What Shouldn’t Make You Happy, but Does.”

HERE IS THE LINK TO THIS ARTICLE THAT WE FOUND IT AT : http://nyti.ms/18gHPJK

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What is Your Creative Power? - Dance with the Elephant: Life's Cosmic Equation

 

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

 

Are you curious to know what your Creative Power is?  Leonardo da Vinci had GREAT Creative Power for inventing.  Below you can click on the photo that will direct you to 9 incredible inventions and facts about each one!  Hone in on your Creative Power and you can do AMAZING things!

 

 

CREATIVE POWER:

The key to creative power is understanding it's a part of a unique and all encompassing equation to living a fulfilling and purposeful life. It is the first part of the five piece equation (CP + RC + F ) * T = CL. "CP" or Creative Power is probably one of the most exciting and awesome laws of the universe we all live in. 

The idea and concept lies in the fact that since the beginning of time there has been a spark, a driving energy force that has created all things. It began with hydrogen atoms that came together to form helium. Hydrogen and helium combined to form stars. Those stars then died in great atomic explosions that in their creative power process created even heavier elements like Carbon, Nitrogen and Oxygen. All of the elements that make up the universe exist because of the creative power that combines the simple into the more complex. 

The source of this creative power exists in all things and most importantly is a part of you and me. As the sun rises every day in the east, so to the spark of creative power lies within you. Discovering that creative force and connecting with it is your true destiny in life and your fundamental reason for existing. 

Creative Power is a part of a five piece formula that Duane and I have worked on to truly unlock and unleash the full understanding of your human potential as it relates to you and your entire family. Creative Power is really the awe, the awe in you! It is what is unique to you. It is what is your gifts, what are your talents, what are your treasures and what is it your bring to life that no one else can take away from you? It's your unique contribution to the universe. 

Like the birth of a star, and all the stars that have born and died throughout time, everyone has been unique. None is exactly like the other. There's a cosmic energy manifested in its uniqueness. So the journey and purpose of life is to discover, cultivate and manifest your creative power and to use that power to make your contribution to the universe.

Like Steve Jobs said, "Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become." You are truly unique and Duane and I will take you on a journey in our book to discover and understand your personal creative power.

CHECK OUT THIS EXCLUSIVE STORY ABOUT CREATIVE POWER!
http://www.bit.ly/13Vxgdg

 

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http://www.DanceWithTheElephant.com

 

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The Drama and Trauma of Life - Dance with the Elephant: Life's Cosmic Equation

 

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

 

THE DRAMA AND TRAUMA OF LIFE:

Call it the drama and trauma of life, the yin and yang or the pain and pleasure. The bipolar extremes of daily life are an integral part of our world and our universe as a whole. Many times the trauma, pain and negative experiences of life become the elephant or the secrets we tend to bury and disassociate from ourselves. As Don commonly says, "We stuff them in a bottle and we cork the end as tight as we can." 

Unfortunately the elephant in the room and the secrets we try to bury in a bottle have a tendency to have a hidden control over our lives. Our goal in dancing with the elephant is to uncork the bottle and to bring these secrets out into the open where they can be dealt with and recognized for what the really are. This process can unleash some of the greatest potential for growth in life and will allow us to redirect our lives toward our true destiny.

Interested in learning more about the Dance With The Elephant series? Check out these links:

http://DanceWithTheElephant.com
http://DanceWithTheElephant.org

Duane shares his experience of personal loss when after being married to his wife for 12 years and having had two children together, she comes out of the closet and informs Duane that she had a new partner she wants to live the rest of her life with. Duane was totally devastated and couldn't even admit the truth of his situation to other people for over a year into the separation and divorce process. It took a total of 3 years, a lengthy rebuilding process of counseling, support groups and personal development, before Duane finally had his feet back on the ground and was on his way to living life again.

As a part of Duane's healing process, he created a list of 20 goals he wanted to accomplish. These included everything from meeting another woman that he could fall in love with, to taking a trip to Europe with someone special to him. During the next 3 years after Duane's traumatic divorce, he accomplished all 20 goals he had made, he remarried and had started a new family. In looking back, the trauma of his first marriage became the launch pad to the drama of his new life, marriage and family.

As you look back on your life today, what were the most dramatic and traumatic moments for you? 

Make a list and try to come up with at least 3 major events at both ends of the bipolar spectrum of life.

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Life is a game of Give and Take...

This is a quote by Brother David Steindl-Rast from his book, Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer: An Approach to Life in Fullness, about Giving and Taking within your life and your life's relationships.

"Sometimes we keep going back and forth between giving and taking back, opening ourselves and clamming up, many times a day.

But life is give-and-take, not give or take. Spasmodic gasping is one thing, healthy breathing another. When we take a hearty breath, we give ourselves to the air we inhale; and when we give it out again, we take a quick break from breathing. This balance of giving and taking is a key to healthy living on every level of life. 

In fact, balance is too mechanical a word to apply to the intimate intricacy of this give-and-take. We are talking about a giving within taking and a taking within giving. Once this is spelled out, it is hardly necessary to stress the fact that we are not playing off giving against taking. By no means. We are playing off a life-giving give-and-take against a mere taking that is as deadly as a mere giving. It matters little whether you merely take a breath and stop, or give a breath and stop there."

The Great Multiplier of Time - Dance with the Elephant: Life's Cosmic Equation

 

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

 

 

 

Duane:
When I go deer hunting in the late Fall one of my favorite moments in what is now a 52 year tradition, is to take a moment in the middle of the night to walk out into a clearing and to gaze up into the starlit sky.  Our hunting property is in east central Minnesota, far away from the big city lights and there are clearings where you feel like you are inside a gigantic planetarium.  Sometimes I'll lay down on the ground and gaze into the midnight sky and I'll have a warm feeling of connection deep in my belly.  I know that it was out of the life cycle of stars being born and stars dying that all the elements of the chemistry periodic table where created.  

All the chemicals and compounds that make up you and me were created in the belly of a star that at some time during the past 13.7 billion years exploded and released these elements into space that they could be used by other star systems and continually advance to heavier and heavier elements.  The stars also represent the source of energy that created life itself.  And I believe that source of energy exists within each of us that gives us unique meaning and purpose in the universe.  

But it's all tied and connected to this phenomenon we call time.  More appropriately called space time.  For when I look up in the sky its as bright and as full of stars as it will every be, because those stars are actually moving away from us and speeds that exceed the speed of light itself.  This means that my great, great grandchildren, if they still have the opportunity to deer hunt on our family hunting property, will not see the same sky I did.  They will be viewing the sky at a different moment in space time and all of the stars in the sky that I saw will have moved to a new relative position that may or may not be in view of my future lineage.  

The challenging piece of this that is most important in understanding Life's Cosmic Equation is that time itself has purpose.  And during the time you have in the cosmos, you too have a purpose to fulfill in the universe.  The stars that you see are actually doing work and are doing what they were meant to do for the universe.  They're creating new elements that will be used by other solar systems to create new planets.  They have a unique reason for being at this very moment in time... right now!  And you have a similar reason for being right now that you need to act upon.  Your personal mandate is to take immediate action based on your CP, RC and F, to fulfill your purpose and destiny in the universe.  So do you understand the significance of time, this very moment, in your life today?

Here is an Exclusive story that is about the first part of Life's Cosmic Equation - Creative Power: http://bit.ly/13Vxgdg

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The Role of Faith - Dance with the Elephant: Life's Cosmic Equation

 

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT : LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because your life is worth it!

 

HAVING FAITH:

Faith allows you to cope with the constant unknown part of daily life. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, yet through faith, we can survive and even thrive in the uncertainty. You can be fully connected to your passionate creative purpose and your reason for existing, but it is faith that bridges the who you are today, with the uncertain destiny of what you will become tomorrow.

Your capacity for personal faith (Me) has its origin in both in your genetics and cultural upbringing. Modern day science estimates that 50% of who you are is based on your genetics. The DNA passed on to you by your parents and the 400,000 years of human generations before them, make up half of the composition of your personality. It's what you've got to work with and there's nothing you can do about it.

Now it's the other 50% that is a bit more interesting in the fact that it is totally predicated by the environment we grow up in and the choices we personally make within those surroundings. Since birth most of us have lived with parents, siblings and relatives who had certain traditions, values and norms. This group of people you live with are located in a geographical location that has a dominant culture, religion and societal framework. All these pieces of the puzzle play a role in forming your personality, character and temperament. To exist with in a social system, one must conform to the norms and values of that system. The level of faith you have in yourself today was determined by the genetics of your birth and the human interactions that followed ever since.

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty... Get Deliberate; Get Inspired; Get Going!

Check out this Exclusive Blog about FAITH:http://www.digelog.typepad.com/how_to... 

Here is a related video on FAITH:http://www.youtu.be/sAbQGccyRaM

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How Much Time Do I Have? - Dance With The Elephant : Life's Cosmic Equation

 

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT: LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because Your Life Is Worth It!

 

 

HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE?

Back in 1970 there was a western comedy film made called "Little Big Man". Jack Crabb, played by Dustin Hoffman, is being raised by the Cheyenne indians. The good hearted tribal leader Old Lodge Skins each day wakes in the morning and states to all who will listen, "Today is a good day to die!" He then makes his way up the hill to lie down on top of his burial throne. Each evening, he would eventually come down from his burial throne realizing that today was not to be his day to die.

Duane and Don present an exercise in this video called the 9 by 21. Here's the scenario for participating. Imagine, effective this very moment, that you have exactly 21 days to live. Now during this 21 days you can do any 9 things you choose regardless of type or cost. The only requirement is that what ever you choose to do, you have to allow enough time for the activity to start and end. If you want to take a trip to Europe, you have to allocate enough time to get there, time to visit the sites you want to see and time to return for your death and funeral, in what ever location that's going to be. 

It's very important for you to take this exercise very seriously. Remember that all of you loose ends in life need to be tied up during the next 21 days. You need to make the tough choices and prioritize what, who and where you want to be during these final days.

When Don did the exercise he immediately recalled a wonderful experience he had with his son where they traveled across the country combining music concerts with golf. He recalled the trip as probably the best he's ever had with his son. But the reality of the moment was, he had never done a similar excursion with his daughter. So Don quickly formulated a trip that would take he and his daughter to the ocean for surfing and each day would end with dinner at the best local seafood restaurant. Okay, there's 3 days done, 18 to go.

Duane recalls his journey through the exercise that included a number of moments where he cried like a baby. Just weeks before doing the 9 by 21, Duane had severed ties with his oldest son based on what he called a tough love situation. So now, with only 21 days left to live, how could he mend his relationship with his Son in time for his death? It was a very scary moment for Duane and it really made him painfully aware of what truly is most important in life. 

So what nine things would you choose to spend your time doing over the next 21 days? Could this list become a set of goals for the coming year? Can you honestly say, "Today is a good day to die?"

 

 

***Here is an excerpt from Brother David Steindl-Rast and his book, Gratefulness, The Heart of Prayer: An Approach to Life in Fullness.  We thought that this excerpt was fitting with the theme of how much time one has in this world.***

"We have experienced moments of gratefulness, and, therefore, we knew from within the attitude we want to repeat and maintain. Those moments of deep gratefulness are, in fact, our moments of true prayerfulness, moments in which our heart is wide awake. We have already explored this and have come to recognize that prayer and thanks spring from the same root, from the heart. It is to those peak experiences of the heart that we must go back if we want to learn to live gratefully.

...What does it mean to go back to an experience? There are two ways of going back. One makes us draw new strength from the past; the other makes us shrivel up. What makes the difference? Let's put it this way. If I recall a past experience in order to clutch it and suck the last drop of sweetness from it greedily, it will yield nothing but disappointment. If, on the other hand, I recall the same experience merely to celebrate it, once again, it will nourish me again and again. This is how I suggest that we recall the moments in which our heart was wakefully alive. 

All we know about "life in fullness" flows from memories of that kind."

 

Not interested in an exercise? How about a touching story as told by Don Calhoun and the loss of his Brother Bob. Find the story here: http://www.digelog.typepad.com/how_to...

For additional content on the Dance With The Elephant series check out our website: http://www.DanceWithTheElephant.com

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REMEMBER WHEN - Meet Bud and Mary Ann Molin - 2006

 

In this story we'll meet Bud & Mary Ann Molin, long time St. Cloud residents.  Bud talks about his time in the military during World War II and being a part of the troops that hit the beaches of Normandy on D Day.  Mary Ann shares the long period of silence Bud had to go through before he could finally begin talking about what happened during the war.

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This story is sponsored by Backes Wood Products, LLC. in Richmond, Minnesota.  Your local resource for REAL-WOOD paneling, log siding, wood furniture, and other specialty wood products.  Backes Wood Products is located just north of the new water tower in Richmond.  Call 320-597-9663 for an appointment to visit their showroom. Check out their website @ Backes Wood Products Online

Having Faith - Dance With The Elephant : Life's Cosmic Equation

 

DANCE WITH THE ELEPHANT : LIFE'S COSMIC EQUATION

Because your life is worth it!

 

HAVING FAITH:

Faith allows you to cope with the constant unknown part of daily life. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, yet through faith, we can survive and even thrive in the uncertainty. You can be fully connected to your passionate creative purpose and your reason for existing, but it is faith that bridges the who you are today, with the uncertain destiny of what you will become tomorrow.

Your capacity for personal faith (Me) has its origin in both in your genetics and cultural upbringing. Modern day science estimates that 50% of who you are is based on your genetics. The DNA passed on to you by your parents and the 400,000 years of human generations before them, make up half of the composition of your personality. It's what you've got to work with and there's nothing you can do about it.

Now it's the other 50% that is a bit more interesting in the fact that it is totally predicated by the environment we grow up in and the choices we personally make within those surroundings. Since birth most of us have lived with parents, siblings and relatives who had certain traditions, values and norms. This group of people you live with are located in a geographical location that has a dominant culture, religion and societal framework. All these pieces of the puzzle play a role in forming your personality, character and temperament. To exist with in a social system, one must conform to the norms and values of that system. The level of faith you have in yourself today was determined by the genetics of your birth and the human interactions that followed ever since.

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty... Get Deliberate; Get Inspired; Get Going!

Check out this Exclusive Blog about FAITH:http://www.digelog.typepad.com/how_to... 

Here is a related video on FAITH:http://www.youtu.be/sAbQGccyRaM

Here's 20 videos that feature major topics in the forthcoming book:
http://www.DanceWithTheElephant.com

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